Out with the old and in with the new

At what point does one realize they need to stop making the same mistakes over and over again?  Some of our traits are innate; some are with a purpose.    I believe I’m guilty of both.   I talk a good game.  My friends find it quite humorous when I’m on a tear; bitching about someone or something.  I get crazy, nuts!   But secretly, it’s my defense mechanism.   If I sound tough about it, maybe it won’t hurt as much.   Deep down, I’m scared.   I’m scared to leave the comforts of how things are only to discover what is to come.   Sure, it hasn’t been so comfortable lately.  I can feel the churn of anxiety in my stomach every day.  I try to suppress it with the power of my thoughts – HA!  My thoughts are the most powerful when I want to make myself insane.  I can create a scenario for just about anything.  And I will believe it’s true.  But I can’t get my thoughts to overcome my other fears.  The ones I have control over.   Hmmm, it’s crazy.  Maybe I’m crazy.